blind insight

Oratory.

I need to buckle down and bang out a brief this week, but wanted to pass on this wonderful riff from Bill Maher.
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Bi-Definition (from Real Time with Bill Maher, on HBO)

You can't claim you're the party of smaller government and then make laws about love. On this Valentine's Day, let's stop and ask ourselves, "What business is it of the state how consenting adults choose to pair off, share expenses, and eventually stop having sex with each other?"

And why does the Bush administration want a constitutional amendment about weddings? Hey, why stop at weddings? Birthdays are important; let's put them in the great document. Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake. You know, to send the right message to kids.

Republicans are always saying we should privatize things like schools, prisons, social security -- hey, how about we privatize privacy! Because if the government forbids gay men from tying the knot, what is their alternative? They can't all marry Liza Minnelli.

You know, the Republicans used to be the party the opposed social engineering, but now they push programs to outlaw marriage for some people and encourage it for others. If you're straight, there's $1.5 billion in the budget to promote marriage, but gay marriage is opposed because it threatens or mocks or does something to the sanctity of marriage, as if anything you can do in Vegas drunk off your ass in front
of an Elvis impersonator could be considered sacred.

Half the people who pledge eternal love are doing it because one of them is either knocked up, rich or desperate. But in George Bush's mind, marriage is only a beautiful lifetime bond of love and sharing, kind of like what his dad has with the Saudis.

But at least the right wing aren't hypocrites on this issue. They really believe that homosexuality is an abomination and a dysfunction that's curable. They believe that if a gay man just devotes his life to Jesus, he'll stop being gay, because that worked out so well with the Catholic priests.

But I have to tell you that the greater shame in this story goes to the Democrats because they don't believe homosexuality is an abomination, and, therefore, their refusal to endorse gay marriage is hypocrisy. Their position doesn't come from the Bible; it's ripped right from the latest poll, which says that most Americans are against gay marriage.

Well, you know what? Sometimes most Americans are just wrong, and where is the Democrat who will stand up and go beyond the half-measures of civil union and hate-the-sin-love-the-sinner and say loud and clear, "There is no sin. It's not an abomination and no one can control how Cupid aims his arrows, and the ones who pretend they can usually turn out to be the biggest freaks."

The law in this country should reflect that some people are just born one-hundred-percent outrageously, fabulously, undeniably Fire-Island gay. And they do not need re-programming -- they need a man with a slow hand.
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When you stop laughing and applauding, you might also read this article in today's Sydney Morning Herald. Apparently, Chief Justice Yong Pung How of Singapore recently stated his support for that country's oral sex prohibition as necessary to safeguard "Asian standards of decency." The article quotes Justice Yong as stating, "There are countries where you can go and suck away for all you are worth. . . . "People in high places do it for all they're worth. I'm not an expert, but you read about it in the papers. But this is Asia."

Singapore apparently treats oral sex, anal sex, and homosexual intercourse as crimes punishable by up to ten years in prison. Post-Lawrence, America seems almost . . . tolerant in comparison.

Kitchen confidential.

The weekend was lovely, filled with eating, drinking, skiing, card playing, and general silliness and camaraderie (not necessarily in that order). Among the highlights was the Bananas Foster prepared by my friend Traci, wowing the crowd and putting my mediocre creme brulee to shame. T. prepared the showpiece dessert in her gorgeous All-Clad skillet, courtesy of her wedding registry. I spent much of the weekend coveting this beautiful piece of kitchen gear.

Yesterday, I spent the better part of the day running around Boulder with my mom. Among other errands, we stopped in to Marshalls to look at housewares and picture frames. Lo and behold, there on the shelf was a shiny, gleaming stainless steel skillet, nearly identical to the All-Clad, but at a ridiculously low price. It's mine now, along with a beautiful ceramic salad bowl to which my mommy treated me and a few other kitchen goodies. Bananas Foster, here we come!

Now, if I could only find a screaming deal on a KitchenAid mixer, I might never have to get married!

TGIF.

It's been a long week, between struggling to focus and motivate on this latest brief, trying to get my arms around some new cases, attending various meetings and social obligations, hitting the gym, and warding off a cold. On the latter front, I've been sucking down Cold Snap all morning, and my chi is finally beginning to feel righteous again.

In just a few short hours, I will be heading to the hills for what promises to be a relaxing and fun weekend. Steve and I, along with two other couples, an eight-month-old baby, and a large white dog will be spending the next couple of days in Winter Park, here.

The boys have promised to prepare a romantic and delectable Valentine's Day feast for the ladies tomorrow night, and we are crossing our fingers that they've abandoned the macaroni and cheese, fried pork rinds, and Schaeffer Light concept Steve floated earlier in the week. For our part, we'll be bringing up the sweet end of things, with lemon creme brulee (inaugurating the blowtorch Steve bought me for Hanukkah) and Bananas Foster. There may be a little bit more of each of us to love after this weekend's gluttony.

I've been looking forward to this getaway all week, in anticipation of good skiing, heated card playing, and excessive wine drinking. I'll be back on the blog sometime next week. In the meantime, enjoy your Hallmark Holiday!

Say it ain't so!

On the eve of Valetine's Day, romantic tragedy! America's Couple is splitsville. No, not Brad and Jen. Not Goldie and Kurt. Not even Sigfried and Roy (and would that really be so tragic?). After more than 40 years of plasticine bliss, Barbie and Ken are calling it quits. Yep, it's true. Taking her cue from Nicole and J-Lo, Barbie's dumped the poor doll with the perpetually perfect pecs. The official word is that our Miss B. wants to devote more time to her modeling career, promote her new carefree California surfer-girl image, and canoodle with a new boy toy, Australian boogie boarder Blaine. But I'm betting that after 43 years, Barbie just got tired of sitting around with a wardrobe full of bridal gowns and honeymoon resort wear, but no diamond ring.

What will the future bring for Barbie and her boy? Will the Family Values people dance in the streets to fete the demise of America's longest standing extramarital cohabitation? (What -- you really think Ken slept in his own room in the Dream House?!) Will Ken run off with Skipper, who's been waiting patiently in the wings for decades? And who is this Aussie dude, anyway? My Barbie never got to cruise around in the 'vette with such a hottie!

Even as I mourn the end of an era, I'm wondering whether Mattel, from whose loins Barbie Millicent Roberts sprang full grown and perky-boobed in 1959, has overlooked a real marketing opportunity. Wouldn't "Barbie and Ken Get Married -- the Miniseries" make for a Spring sweeps advertising gold-mine? Such an extravaganza would out-do (and out-Pink) even Trista's Million Dollar Pepto Bismol Commercial (er...Wedding), and with all of Barbie's outfit changes could last for weeks!

Hmm. Maybe my mom can pull some strings. She went to Vassar with Barbie, after all.

Spouses for life, after a half-century.

And on other fronts, this story is too great not to share with you. I can't imagine the range of emotions this couple must have experienced upon receiving official sanction of their union after 51 years together.

Mazel tov!

A little humor from the tech-dazed.

This will make today my first three-post day since beginning this blog. But I wanted to share with you this message from my mother, the latest in a series of e-mails relating to this blog, my sources for its content, and the various technological niceties associated with navigating and commenting upon it:

"So now we have blogs and blawgs! Do doctors have blahgs (as in "say ah")? Do magicians have bloogs (the crowd went "oo")? And do debtors have blowegs?"

My mom may not think herself among the technorati, but she's still got that razor-sharp wit. Hopefully at least a bit of it got passed down in the gene pool . . . .

Carlos update.

I showed up for tutoring last night looking forward to giving Carlos another chance. I'd thought a lot about how to help him start fresh, and how to engage him more in the learning process. But when I reached the school, I learned that Carlos had walked out following his after-care program and gone home. This was Carlos's last chance. As far as the program director is concerned, Carlos has had plenty of opportunities to show that he's willing to participate in the tutoring process, and there's a waiting list of children who need and want the help. So Carlos is out of the program, and in two weeks, I'll have a new kid to tutor (they have the 17th off for parent/teacher conferences).

I'm somewhat relieved to be free of Carlos, but I feel terrible that we've joined the ranks of adults who've abandoned him. I spent all last night thinking that Carlos is well on his way to becoming a client of mine someday, and I'm going to be partly responsible for his future problems. I do agree with the program director that we can't help a kid who refuses to be helped, but I wish I'd had one last chance to get through to him.

But does Fran know about this?*

This article appears in today's Harvard Crimson. I take some pride in the knowledge that my own alma mater, Vassar College, has helped Harvard find the way towards protecting the First Amendment and supporting avant garde journalism. Still, I'm left to wonder who would want to look at pictures of naked Haaahvahd students (who've been bundled inside drinking beer and eating baked beans since early October), anyway?
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*Vassar in joke. You either get it or you don't.

Whaddaya think?

As you may have noticed, I've recently added a "comments" function to my blog. Now you can tell me what you think of my rants and ramblings. Just click on the "comments" link at the end of any post. (And yes, the entire blog-reading universe can see your comments, mom.)

How exciting . . . . .

John Kerry opposes the death penalty!! (And the Ninth Circuit stays an imminent execution.)

This month's issue of The Champion, the magazine of the National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers, includes a piece about the presidential candidates' positions on criminal justice issues. Each of the Democratic contenders claims to support the death penalty, at least for "the most heinous crimes." EXCEPT for my boy John Kerry, who instead says:

"I oppose the death penalty other than in cases of real international and domestic terrorism. I support a moratorium on the death penalty because I believe that there are serious systemic flaws in the death penalty system, which have resulted in the conviction of people who are innocent. In fact, one hundred and eleven innocent people have already been released from death row because of wrongful convictions."

Bravo, Senator Kerry. Bravo.

In unrelated death penalty news, the U.S. Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit yesterday spared California inmate Kevin Cooper from execution, which was scheduled for 12:01 a.m. this morning. The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the stay, and Cooper's case now will be reheard by an en banc panel of the Ninth Circuit. Cooper's lawyers claim to have new evidence of their client's innocence. For the briefs and related documents in the Cooper case, go here. For recent news coverage, try this article in the Los Angeles Times or, if you have Real Player, this Morning Edition segment from NPR.