Can't I just kiss you and make it all better?

I have been learning important lessons in recent days, as Steve deals with a lousy turn of career events and I deal with being the girlfriend of a guy dealing with that lousy turn. While I've "been there" (I hope!) for many a friend going through school/job/life crises, I'm quickly finding that this is a whole different ballgame.

My wise and compassionate mother pointed out to me yesterday that not only have I suffered few major professional/academic disappointments, I've also never been the significant other of someone who has. It's not like my life has been one long summer day sipping mint juleps by the pool and getting pedicures while being fanned by handsome and adoring houseboys. I've had classes I didn't understand, prestigious awards for which I failed to make the final cut, jobs I hated and bosses I loathed. I've had friends disappoint me horribly and painfully. And I've had my heart ripped from my chest, crushed into an oozing ball of flesh, and used for batting practice. Oh, and there's that blindness thing.

But for the most part, things have gone pretty smoothly for me on most fronts, and I've certainly gotten where I wanted to go in my career. So as I try to be there for Steve in the right way, and to listen and comfort and validate and suggest, I'm realizing that I can't truly relate to what he is feeling and thinking and fearing. Plus, I've never before experienced the feelings and thoughts and fears that all of this has whipped up inside me, adding a few extra loop-de-loops on the relationship rollercoaster.

I have no doubt that each of us will get through this time and come out stronger people for it, and I trust that we will get through it together and come out a stronger couple as well. Still, it is a sad and stressful stretch for me (probably more so for him, but this is my blog). I am sad that he seems so defeated, though I am relieved to see him pulling together and taking steps to deal with the larger situation. I am sad that the future has been made murkier by this turn of events. I am sad that I can't simply fix this thing with a hug, a kiss, and a few wise suggestions. And I am especially sad that when, today, I got the exciting and wonderful news that I've been selected to receive a national honor from an organization to which I devote enormous amounts of time, I found myself hesitating to dial him up to gush and glow. I'll tell him tonight, in person, after gauging his mood.

If only success was such that we two could simply aggregate and redistribute it between us like shared funds. Because I'd give anything right now to carve out a great whomping big chunk of it for him.

Comments

[Scheherazade]

Since I'm rooting entirely for YOU here, let me chime in with big congratulations for your honor.

I can relate to how hard it is to watch someone you love struggle with something you don't really understand. It stinks. My thoughts are with you and Steve as you negotiate this tough spell.

[Eve P.]

Well, Mad, a big yay to you on the honor. And I hope things settle out with Steve.

[rebecca]

Relationships are such a puzzling enigma. Simultaneously, you're a unit and two totally separate people. It's so difficult when you love someone and you can't fight their battles for them or BE them. You can only stand alongside and try to augment as best you can. It's kind of a helpless position, really, which seems ironic, because in doing it, you're trying to transmit the strongest potion there is, which is love. No easy answers. It's Steve's battle and regardless of any advice, understanding, etc that you may or may not be able to offer, the most important thing you can give is your absolute belief in him. Good luck. And a huge congrats on your honor!