Time out.

Ah, the lazy days of ennui. It seems only a blink-of-an-eye ago, I was whining about rut-stuckedness, yearning for drama and adventure, and bemoaning the familiarity of my sameoldsamey routine. What's that thing they say about being careful what you wish for? Whoever they are, those self-righteous wish-cautioners, they're right.

So we are no longer under contract on the Boulder manse. This is no great tragedy, because we've got other prospects and have yet to sell my place, but we're sad to have to walk away from such a unique and promising house. And the decision was far from lightly made. The past week has been a whirl of discussion and investigation and further discussion and further investigation, by and between Steve and me, with our parents, our wonderful realtor, assorted other professionals, government officials of varying degrees of knowledge and patience, and anyone else who would listen. Ultimately, we discovered insurmountably deal-breaking issues and concluded that this would not be our first home together. There's far, far more to the story, of course, but this is neither the time nor the place to recount it.

The house drama alone has been enough to rip my schedule to shreds and send my blood pressure into the stratosphere. But throw in a new appeal, the receipt of not one, but two long-awaited and truly voluminous case records, assorted client mini-crises, and some non-work-related organizational politics drama, and you've got one exhausted, stressed, and stretched-thin me.

You might think that my impending vacation would offer respite from the madness. And it damn well better, once I'm actually vacating happily in a sea kayak off the Dodecanese Islands. But right this moment, the thought of being gone for two weeks in the middle of so many decisions and obligations feels terrifying and overwhelming. As does the knowledge that at some point very, very soon, I need to find time to organize my gear and pack my bags even while keeping my house in showroom-ready condition.

I suppose I have only myself to blame for the insanity. When things once again return to humdrum normalcy (as they must, they simply must, because I'm truly on the edge here), I need to learn a new way of looking at the day-to-day. Somehow, I'll have to redefine the routine, undramatic sameness of life as comfortable and familiar, and to find in it a zone of contentment.

And so, before you, great Internet, I hereby vow (as soon as I possibly can) to slow down, kick back, and chill out. I will take time to smell the roses, to feel the wind in my hair, to sit quietly in a cafe with a book, to snuggle in front of bad late night movies with my sweetie, to go for long, mellow bike rides, and to take leisurely lunches with my girlfriends. I will work undistracted and patiently on complex legal issues. I will conduct organized meetings that begin with an agenda and finish on time. And I will get more than 6 hours of sleep on a regular basis.

Really, I will. I just have to.

Comments

[UCL]

Everything happens for a reason. You'll find a better house. :)