In which 4-inch pieces of colored duct-tape kick my ass.

With the colder weather and shorter days, we're climbing inside again. It's far more convenient to do so from our new base of operations, and we've been going weekly since late October. These gym forays have brought into focus just how much harder it is to climb indoors than out, and how much we depend on a winter of pulling plastic to get in shape for a summer of playing on real rocks.

Last night, though, nothing was in focus for me at all. For some reason, I just couldn't find my routes, and I grew increasingly frustrated each time I stopped to search for the next bit of appropriately colored tape, couldn't figure out where the next hold was, and pumped out my muscles with the wait. Part of the problem, I think, resulted from the gym's new configuration, which includes lots of inverted corners, reverse angles, and overhangs. When I'm climbing outside, I have no problem reaching blindly above me or feeling around for hand and footholds, and I even enjoy having to rely on touch, balance, and mental agility to find the route, instead of on my crappy eyes. But when we're inside, I have to find specific holds marked with a specific tape color to stay on route, and grabbing one of the many others scattered around me constitutes cheating. When I get stuck or take a stupid fall or strain my neck or shoulder not because the route is too hard for me, but because I can't find the #($@*& next hold, it blows my confidence and brings hot tears of frustration welling behind my eyes.

I'm trying to get better at handling these moments, and to develop coping mechanisms slightly more effective than punching the wall, bailing out of the route, and cussing. I worked through the pissoffedness last night by pushing my way through one such route (cheating slightly on the reverse-angled portion), then climbing a few easy routes and doing some novice bouldering to try to regain confidence and rhythm. It helped, but I was still angry to be relegated to 5.8s and 5.9s after spending all last year getting solid on 10s and working 11s. Especially when the failure results not from my climbing ability, but from my damn seeing disability.