And how's your incurable disease treating you these days?

I've had several conversations recently with people with whom I have been somewhat out of touch. At some point in each those conversations, the friend or acquaintance has asked me, pretty much out of the blue, how my vision is doing. I’m not sure why this question annoys me so deeply, but it feels like fingernails on the chalkboard of my soul. The honest answer is this: my vision sucks, there’s nothing that can be done about it, and it depresses the hell out of me. But this isn't really something I feel comfortable saying to anyone but my family and closest friends (and now the entire Internet, but whatever), and I certainly don’t want to get into it in the middle of a somewhat superficial conversation with a relatively casual friend.

I suppose it’s to be expected that people will ask me about my eyes, since I’ve never been secretive about my disabilities and it's something people know and are curious about me. And I know the question is asked with kindness and good intentions. But it feels a deeply personal inquiry, to ask me point-blank, in a conversation otherwise unrelated to medical matters, whether I’m closer to blindness than I was last time we spoke.

When it happened during a conversation with a former colleague yesterday, I contemplated responding with an equally invasive query of my own. "My vision’s lousy, thanks. Had your prostate checked recently?" came to mind. So did "I bump into more and more obstacles every day. And what about you? Did you manage to get your wife knocked up yet?" Instead, I said something to the effect of "well, it’s continued to deteriorate, but I’m doing fine" and changed the subject. But I was seething inside, and for the remainder of the conversation was distracted and irritable as I struggled to settle the churning upset talking about my vision loss always stirs in my gut.

Am I overreacting? Probably. Do people ask boneheaded invasive questions of others all the time? Sure. Can I do anything about it, other than trying not to let it annoy me? I doubt it. I am, however, striving to be more mindful of the questions I pose to others in similar situations, and to refrain from venturing uninvited into potentially nerve-touching realms.

Comments

[robwilks]

I know what you mean. I reckon you should come out and say "My vision’s lousy, thanks. Had your prostate checked recently?". Why not? Won't do any harm. Most people would probably appreciate your honesty, and it would make them realise what a crap question it is.

I'm Deaf, and I hate people going "Oh, I'm sorry" when I tell them I'm Deaf e.g. I was on the London Underground yesterday and this chap came up to me asking me something, but he was virtually impossible to lipread, and eventually, I said "I'm sorry, I'm deaf, I don't understand you". Why do I automatically say that every time? What do I have to be sorry for? It's not my fault that they're not speaking clearly in the first place!

Sigh.