What's keeping me awake at night.
Progress in my uterus continues apace, as I remain exceedingly grateful for this relatively uneventful and comfortable pregnancy. Above the neck, however, things are anything but tranquil.
I've been spending a lot of time wondering how in the world we're going to make this work. I'm sure we can figure out the child-care situation and the work-family balance thing, although it will mean fewer impulsive gear purchases, exotic vacations, and nice restaurant dinners for a while. I'm also sure - or at least reasonably confident - that we will find ways to maintain our beloved athletic pursuits, spend time with our kid-less friends, and even relax on the couch from time to time. Perhaps I'm delusional, but this part of adapting to Life With Baby doesn't worry me so much.
But trying to figure out how we're going to manage all of this with only one parent who drives? And wondering how I'm going to avoid hurting my kid due to my vision loss (given how frequently I injure myself, however inconsequentially)? That has me scared shitless.
My hearing isn't troubling me. The CI has brought me almost to a normal level of hearing, and between that and the ready availability of lighted and vibrating alert systems, I don't expect my hearing loss to pose much of a hurdle in parenting. True, I can't understand much of what your average toddler says, but can anyone?
My vision, though? Hoo-boy. We're investigating nanny versus day-care options, and trying to weigh the dollar differences against the reality that only one of us will be able to do pick-ups and drop-offs in most circumstances. Not to mention transportation to doctor's appointments, play-dates, and kiddie activities. The bus system in Boulder is great, but it only goes so far, and I'm not entirely sure it's safe to take a newborn in a baby-bucket on the bus (anyone know?). Cabs will provide another option from time to time, but are available in these parts only on a slow, inconvenient, and expensive call-in basis (and, again, we have the safety issue).
And we haven't even begun to explore how we can protect the baby from any harm that might come to it because its mother walks into and trips over stuff a lot. I have no idea how I'm going to handle a stroller in crowded conditions, or how I'm going to walk home safely with the baby after dark, particularly given that I can only make it from the bike path to my front door by walking part-way in the street and doing my damndest not to trip over the branches, garbage cans, and other obstacles that frequently mar the sidewalk on our block. And how will I handle night-time feedings without having to turn on the lights to safely handle the baby, thereby waking the poor thing and probably destroying Steve's and my chances of getting a bit of sleep ourselves?
Part of me is sure we'll figure all of this out, through trial and (hopefully not too damaging) error. Part of me thinks I'm making too much of my disability's impact on parenting. But another part of me is filled with fear and uncertainty.
I guess I need to investigate resources for new parents with disabilities. I do hope that someone out there has not only dealt with the issues that worry me, but has memorialized their experiences and solutions in print or in cyberspace.
