[WHOOPSIE! This should have gone on the Milo blog, but somehow ended up here. 'course I've been a horrible blogger over here in my own space, so I suppose I'll leave this here and double-post it over in Milo's neck of the woods. Life is great, busy, crazy, fun, and great. I should be writing over here, but the time and energy seem never to coincide. Eventually, eventually.....]
We are off tomorrow to Wisconsin, to celebrate Milo's first Christmas. Earlier this month, we celebrated Milo's first Hanukkah - this lucky kid gets to double-dip on holidays! Milo loved the candles. Every night, no matter how fussy or tired he was when we set up the menorah, he quieted down and stared intently at the flickering candles, and smiled and giggled as we sang songs before opening our presents.
We're excited to see how Milo reacts to Grandma Eileen and Grandpa Peter's beautiful Christmas tree, and we're looking forward to re-introducing him to all the friends and relatives he met a couple of months ago. He's a whole different baby now!
Here are a couple of recent photos. Daddy has been trying to play football with Milo since we brought the baby home from the hospital, and he's finally starting to get the hang of the game. Brett Favre, you can retire now!
Daddy and Milo have also been enjoying some lazy mornings together on Daddy's days at home. These two guys just love to look at each other and laugh and laugh!
Right after we get back from Wisconsin, we have Milo's four-month doctor's appointment. We are very excited to find out just how big this kiddo has grown. We are not so excited about the shots he'll be getting, but he's tougher than we are.
Apologies for the continuing blog neglect. The past month or so has brought new resonance to the term "crazy busy." Start with three weekends in a row consumed by an unexpected trip to Wisconsin, an expected trip to New York, and houseguests. Throw in many hours of actual lawyer-type work, mostly in preparation for an oral argument I'm presenting tomorrow, and the day-to-day baby wrangling activities, plus a dash of sleep deprivation and colds all around, and you have yourself a recipe for chaos, or at least no time to blog.
But, chaos aside, things are going beautifully around here. Milo is growing and changing at an astounding pace, and daily amazes us with new expressions, sounds, and skills. (See his blog for more on this front.) I'm enjoying full-time mommying much more than I thought I would, too. Perhaps it's because I know this time is fleeting and temporary, but my days with Milo have become far more enjoyable and fun than boring and hard, and I can tell already that I'm going to miss him immeasurably when I return to work full-time on December 3.
On the other hand, I've really liked keeping my lawyer brain turned partially on during my leave, and I am very excited to argue tomorrow. With the help of both grandmas and Milo's newfound ability to ACTUALLY NAP! DURING THE DAY! I managed to get pretty well prepped. In fact, Milo proved to be a willing and supportive assistant in the process. He didn't ask the most probing questions, but he listened patiently while I practiced my argument over and over again. Perhaps his first sentence will be "May it please the Court."
The other day, a reporter who is also a friend-of-a-friend came by to chat with me. I have a feeling that I'm not quite news-worthy enough to serve her purposes, although it was lovely to meet her. We talked primarily about the intersection between my disabilities and my parenting. As I wrote a few weeks ago, my fears on this front have not materialized, at least at this stage of Milo's life. I feel pretty comfortable moving through the world with Milo, particularly when I'm wearing, rather than pushing him, and the cochlear implant has virtually eliminated the hearing loss as a factor in most parenting situations.
But what I hadn't focused on, until this conversation, was how much having Milo has intensified my fear of becoming completely blind. I've written much in this space over the years about that fear, which lurks always under the surface of my thoughts. When the reporter asked me why having Milo makes me even more afraid of going blind, I started to cry, thinking about how heartbreaking it will would be to miss seeing - truly seeing - him grow up. And then she started to cry, too, and then we laughed at ourselves, and sort of moved on from that painful moment. It does terrify me, though, and I'm not sure how to handle that fear, other than to memorize his face and his smile and his perfect little body, to soak up the memories of everything I see him doing now, and to continue to hope that some kind of cure/treatment/prosthetic device is on the horizon for my eyes.
I started this blog to ramble on about stuff, primarily focused on my hearing and vision and how they impact my life. I managed to plan a Big Fat Wedding without filling this space with flowers and tulle, and I got through pregnancy without blathering excessively about the gory (or mundane) details. But since I became a Mom (yes, with a capital M), it seems that this blog has become Mostly Milo, Most of the Time.
I know some (perhaps even many) of you want the baby news, but I'd like to continue to devote this space to the assorted thoughts that run through my head and need a place to escape, as I have time to get them into print. I don't particularly want blind insight to turn into another Mommy Blog. Thus, I present to you: The Milo Blog.
The second annual VisionWalk played out almost exactly like the first one. Gorgeous sunny day - check. Small but enthusiastic crowd of walkers - check. Cohen/Freiburger clan plus a couple of friends, including an adorable toddler - check (with the lovely addition of two adorable babies and a ceramic pig). Walking around in 1K circles until we got bored - check. Usher's Mushers running walking away with the Flying Pig award - great big, $17,000+ CHECK.
While the event itself doesn't carry the inspirational wallop of, say, the Race for the Cure, it is inspiring to see so many blind and visually impaired people, and their supporters, getting out and having a good time walking for a good cause. Even more inspiring is the overwhelming response from our support network - the money we raised came from nearly 200 separate contributors! As word-smithy as I fancy myself, I'm at a loss to describe adequately how much this widespread generosity means to me. I guess I will just sum it up with a simple, but hearty THANK YOU!
Here are a few images of the event:
The 2007 Usher's Mushers - back row, L-R: Bill, Mad, S-J, Steve, Milo (hiding under the blanket on his daddy's chest; front row, L-R: Monica, Natalie, Lucy, and Linda
Amelia Eyeheart, our Flying Pig, rolling along in the Snap & Go:
Milo, doing the 5-week-old's version of a charity walk:
Assorted non-walking diversions, including a surprisingly talented band of opthalmologists and a surprisingly entertaining Wall of Velcro at which the older kids flung themselves willingly:
I have much to catch up on, and a great many proto-posts rattling around in my head, but will try to keep this one focused. I've been feeling pretty UN-focused lately, partly because the realities of parenthood mean that my emails, conversations, tasks, and efforts to keep up with the lawyerly half of my life are constantly interrupted. I'm gradually learning how to work within the new reality, though, and enjoying it more and more every day.
Many months ago, I wrote about my fears that my disabilities would present high hurdles in parenthood. We're only 5.5 weeks into this adventure, but so far, my hearing and vision have been relative non-issues. This is due in substantial part to my parents' extraordinary assistance. They've been almost a constant presence in our house, and Milo's life, and have made errand running, appointment scheduling, and simply getting out of the house much easier than such things might be for me otherwise. But I'm finding it very easy to get out on my own, too, toting Milo in one of my many wonderful baby carriers or, very occasionally, in the stroller. We've taken the bus a few times without incident, and we get out pretty much every day for a walk, coffee, a meet-up with friends, etc.
I do feel a bit nervous when I walk around with him. I look three or four times before crossing streets, I'm more careful, and more anxious, about looking for obstacles in my path, and I feel somewhat more tense than usual navigating crowded situations. I'd guess that most new parents feel this way for a time, though, and that these fears will dissipate as my confidence grows.
When we first brought Milo home, I was afraid that I'd make it harder to get him to sleep because I'd need lights on during the night wake-ups. So far, this isn't presenting a problem, although Milo's sleep is sporadic at best. At night, he sleeps in a bassinet next to my side of the bed. I am having no trouble at all picking him up in the dark and carrying him into his room, next door, for eating, burping, and diapering. We do keep a small light on in the nursery, so that I can see to nurse and navigate, but Milo seems unaffected by it. I do, unfortunately, need a light to manage the latch for side-lying nursing in bed, so we save that for Milo's 6:30 a.m. (or so) feeding.
My hearing is posing no problems at all. Thanks to my CI, I can hear Milo crying even when I'm many rooms or floors away from him, and the baby monitor provides further security in that respect. I've slept with both my hearing aid and my CI on since Milo was born, and while this isn't the most physically comfortable set-up, I've finally learned how to sleep through the sounds of the night - they are so foreign and disconcerting to me.
At first, I was afraid to shower when I was home alone with Milo, because I have to take off my aids then and can't hear a thing. But after the first week, I started putting Milo in a bouncy seat on the bathroom floor while I'm in the shower. The running water seems to serve as soothing white noise, and he is usually calm for the duration of my shower. Occasionally, he fusses, and I've had to make peace with the knowledge that I may not be able to hear or respond to his crying immediately. So far, he seems unscathed.
So, for now, it feels like my parenting challenges are entirely garden-variety: eating, sleeping, pooping, and fussing. Milo does all of these, some more impressively than others. He's also started smiling and even giggling a little, which makes it all feel worthwhile.
PS: VisionWalk 2007 was a huge success! Usher's Mushers raised well over $17,000, due in part to the many generous contributions we received in Milo's name. I'll do a recap as soon as I can. Our tally is open until the end of October, so if you still want to give, please let me know!
