Per my (second) favorite song on the O Brother Where Art Thou disc, I'm filled with newfound resolve to keep on the sunny side of life. Here, then, is my list of the
Top Ten Reasons Why Usher Syndrome Can Be Fun!
10) Sleeping without hearing aids eliminates effects of bed partner's terrible snoring.
9) Enhanced olfactory experience created by sensory over-compensation offers endless entertainment of the "what's that smell?" variety.
8) Liberal guilt is assuaged because pan handlers and sleeping homeless people are outside field of vision.
7) Loss of peripheral vision ensures ability to ignore people to whom you'd rather not speak -- just walk on by and they'll never know if you saw them.
6) Lip-reading reliance coupled with extreme tunnel vision saves many a friend from an embarrassing teeth/lettuce incident.
5) When hearing aids screech with feedback during heavy makeout session, can alleviate awkwardness by informing co-participant, "oh, that's just my parents checking up on me."
4) Loss of night vision provides ready excuse to hold hands while walking with cute new guy.
3) Lenses implanted during cataract surgery reflect light, fascinating babies and drunk guys in bars.
2) Hearing loss plus lack of night vision provide ready excuse to ignore pick-up lines from drunk guys in bars.
And the Number One Reason Why Usher Syndrome Can Be Fun . . . . (drum roll, please):
1) Repeated bruising on hips and shins from walking into furniture dramatically raises pain threshold, making Brazilian bikini wax feel like a gentle massage.
Given your profession, would your favorite song on that disc be "Big Rock Candy Mountain," where "the cops have wooden legs" and "the jails are made of tin"?
That's my favorite.
Posted by: J. Soglin | March 26, 2004 at 11:50 AM
you got it! :)
Posted by: mad | March 26, 2004 at 12:35 PM