What else am I supposed to write about?

One hundred and forty-nine days remain before the wedding (but who's counting?). If you’re already tired of reading about it, you should remove my blog from your RSS-feed subscription and back away slowly from your computer. There’s nothing for you here.

As much as I have tried not to be the kind of woman who spends all her time obsessing over her wedding plans, I'm finding it hard to avoid. I’m not particularly stressed about wedding planning, nor am I worried about whether or not every little thing will be absolutely perfect for My Special Day. But I do think about the wedding, or some aspect of it, constantly.

When talking to friends, I try not to bring up wedding stuff unless someone asks me about it. But they nearly always do, so then I have to give myself a mental pinch in the arm so as not to ramble on incessantly about favors and showers and dress fittings and shoes (Did I tell you that I just received my third pair of potential wedding shoes, but haven't found The Ones? Now what were we talking about?). Earlier this week, I managed almost an entire wedding-free lunch conversation with my fabuliscious best friend, but slipped at the last minute and brought up guest-list issues as we were walking back to the office. I’m not sure what was worse about that: the fact that I couldn’t make it through lunch without mentioning the wedding, or the fact that I was acutely aware through the entire meal that I hadn’t mentioned the wedding.

There’s really nothing wrong about focusing on the wedding. It’s a pretty important event in my life, hopefully the only one of its kind. It’s also a great big party, and planning a great big party takes a lot of time and effort and thought. Add to that our culture’s bizarre adoration of The Bride, which leads many of those around me to presume that my wedding is the only thing I have to talk about right now, and it’s no wonder I think about it about as often as the average 15-year-old boy thinks about sex.

Still, I feel awkward about it, even apologetic. As though I am betraying my independent, successful, educated, feminist self by really, really caring a lot about whether my shoes are ivory or gold (or blue, but I’m letting my mother win that particular battle). Truth be told, I don’t care that much about the shoes. But I cannot be wed barefoot, because my dress is long and I’m not about to let the beautiful lace hem of my heirloom silk gown drag in the grass. So the shoe decision must be made, and the array of available options makes it a preoccupying matter. Likewise with decisions such as ceremony readings, attendant gifts, menu selections, and so forth. Whether the ultimate selection is absolutely perfect and deeply memorable or not, something must be chosen. I am an obsessive planner, a compulsive researcher, and a manic overanalyzer when I’m not putting together a wedding; I shouldn’t really be surprised that these traits are manifesting themselves now.

There are other things rolling around in my head, other preoccupations in my life. I’ve thought about blogging them, too. Springtime, good Supreme Court decisions, the criminal (in)justice system, Iranian political history, fundamentalist pharmacists, how Sideways rocks (but makes me thirsty), and why Abe Foxman's security detail thinks I'm a stalker. But I can’t seem to pull them together coherently, because of all the wedding nonsense colonizing my brainspace.

Remind me, though, I really want to tell you about an epiphany I had the other day. I promise, it has absolutely nothing to do with the wedding.

Comments

[Sasha]

Heya, for this friend at least, I enjoy talking about the wedding with you. It's a happy oasis from the rest of the world...

But, definitely write about the epiphany, and more on the stalker story too...

sc

[rebecca]

No one even sees your shoes. I picked out a lovely pair that KILLED my feet. I took them off the first chance I had have never put them back on my feet since. Just looking at the box in which they're housed makes my feet ache ;-)

[mad]

Yes, the "no one sees them" point was part of my argument for blue, but whatever! I've found something perfect, reasonably comfortable, and probably rewearable, so I think the shoe-shopping part of the wedding is done. Now I can stop obsessively searching Zappos, anyway.

That's correct, no one looks at the shoes!!! Glad you got that issue resolved.

[u know]

Dear, go on with your life. It's yours and I know and I am sure your grandmother would say the same. Have fun, plan, and enjoy your wedding. Smiling at you.

[u know]

Dear, go on with your life. It's yours and I know and I am sure your grandmother would say the same. Have fun, plan, and enjoy your wedding. Smiling at you.